5 ways to help you deal with getting ghosted.
We’ve all been ghosted. It’s just a rite of passage in life. Whether it’s from someone who we went on a few dates with or a job recruiter, we have all received the cold shoulder.
So, what is ghosting? In simple terms, ghosting means someone suddenly cut contact with you with no explanation. It basically means someone is trying to shoo you away through silence.
Ghosting can really mess with people. People feel invalidated from this cowardly act. To some degree, we seek validation from people that we admire. However, that admiration isn’t always reciprocated, even if they were the one who initiated the relationship.
The concept of ghosting is typically discussed in relationships and dating. Sometimes we create excuses for another person and say they are busy, and that’s why they aren’t responding to our messages. However, that’s unlikely to be the case. When someone is interested in you, they will put forth the effort to advise you about their busy schedule. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow, but ghosting usually (but not always) derives from a lack of interest. Due to the sudden change in tone, we have an innate instinct to question what went wrong in the relationship. We start to question why we aren’t a priority anymore, and what we could have done to change things. However, we’re wasting our energy by doing this. Instead, it’s more important to exercise strategies that allow you to effectively cope with getting ghosted. Hopefully the five tips below will help you overcome getting ghosted.
Stop texting or calling them.
If you have been putting more of an effort in your communications with someone, then it’s time to reassess. Stop texting or calling them. Give them space. If you’re constantly persistent for one’s attention, and they aren’t reciprocating, they either need some room to breathe or they’re uninterested. Regardless of the reason, constantly badgering for a response can come across as clingy and even pathetic. Remember, if someone really wants to get in touch with you, they will put forth the effort. At a certain point, you have to let go and move on.
Don’t expect to receive any closure.
When you’ve been ghosted, you have this innate instinct to always question what went wrong. You start to psychoanalyze the situation and the other person. Did they suddenly cut all contact because they were busy? Were they uninterested? Do they suffer from social anxiety? Were they intimidated? Are they depressed? There’s a myriad of reasons as to why you were ghosted; and it’s reasonable to assume that you won’t ever get the answer.
Basically, don’t reach out to them to receive closure. Chances are you will continue to get ghosted, or their response won’t be honest. Moreover, there is a high probability that they’re ghosting you because they are uncomfortable with telling you to leave them alone. I know receiving some closure will help you move forward. However, seeking validation from another person never works out. The only person whom you should seek validation from is yourself.
Don’t take ghosting personally.
Honestly, don’t take ghosting personally. But we get it- It’s easier said than done. At the end of the day, we have all been ghosted; whether it be from a job recruiter or someone we went on a few dates with. Not taking things so personally is a skill that can’t be exercised overnight. You have to encounter some rejection and defeat before you can truly hone this skill. It takes time, effort and patience. Just try your best to forget about getting ghosted by keeping yourself occupied with constructive things.
Take off your rose-coloured glasses.
One of the main reasons why we get hurt from ghosting is because we viewed the situation with rose-coloured glasses. For instance, you may have been ghosted by a hiring recruiter from your dream job. However, maybe you were over-romanticizing your dream job. Maybe the work culture at that company was awful. Life works in mysterious ways and sometimes rejection is protection.
The next time you experience hurt and disappointment from being ghosted, try your best to not over-invest in the situation. You got attached too easily because you viewed something or someone through rose-coloured lenses. At the end of the day, moving forward is the only way you can open the door for something better.
Understand your worth.
You should never discount your worth. Always understand that you are worthy of common decency and respect. If you feel like someone devalues your energy, then it’s time to walk away gracefully.
When people get ghosted, they think they can salvage the personal relationship by still being available to the other person. This is a big mistake, as it will only hurt you more. You should only surround yourself with people who genuinely get excited to talk to you. Don’t ever chase someone who doesn’t care to give you the decency of an honest explanation for their actions. They are showing you who they are. So you better believe it and dismantle the fictitious narrative you have created in your head.
Remember, you're always Plan A. If you're someone's Plan B, then have the confidence and self respect to move on.
“You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you.”
– Sonya Teclai